As a student midwife, I work at my local hospital as a phlebotomist. I do this to get experience with phlebotomy, but also to gain patient facing experience. This job has given me taught me more lessons that I anticipated. This is one of them.
Drawing someones blood is the perfect time for awkward small talk. Because without awkward small talk is awkward silence. Usually, I’ll talk about the weather or something everyone could relate to. Sometimes someone would ask how long I’ve been drawing blood. I’d answer truthfully that I haven’t been working as a phlebotomist for long, but I originally learned to draw blood about a year earlier in midwifery school.
Once, the person sitting in my chair was a retired physician. He took great interest that I was a midwifery student. I think the trials and tribulation of being a student are something everyone in medicine can relate to, no matter the discipline.
“Can I tell you something?” He asked me. “The biggest lesson I can tell you, is that you are your first patient. Treat yourself as your first patient.”
What does it mean to treat myself as my first patient? I sat with this lesson for several weeks. I revisit this occasionally when I notice myself being overly hard on myself.
Treating myself as I would one of my patients would mean changing my self-talk. Could you imagine your midwife talking to you the way you talk to yourself on a bad day?
But how else could I treat myself as my own patient?
Midwifery care isn’t just about how we talk to our patients. It’s about how we encourage, rally, and cheer them on. At a prenatal visit, we ask, “How are you feeling?” and also, “What are you eating?” but we also ask, “Are you feeding yourself things that give you joy?” As a midwife, I encourage my patients to take part in joy and to go the extra step to treat themselves well.
Instead of criticizing myself, I started to care for myself. I stopped dismissing my needs, and started to honor them in the same way as I would encourage a client of mine to. What became negative self talk and a lack of self care turned into gentle reminders and permission to take care of myself, my mental health and my wellbeing. By learning how to show up for myself, I was able to show up for those I cared for.
As a provider, we always remind people to listen to their bodies. Rest when they are tired. Eat when they are hungry. Reach out when they need support. When it comes to ourselves, however, its easy to forget these simple reminders. “Be your own patient first” is a reminder that I am human too. And I deserve the same kindness that I offer everyone else. When you give yourself permission to pause, breathe, reset, and ask for help, you show up with more capacity, clarity, and presence for everyone else.